The Queen of Vorn (The Homecoming Trilogy, Book 1) (Part 4 - Chapters 1 through 12)
Hello, all. Welcome to the chapter-by-chapter breakdown of The Queen of Vorn. As indicated in the heading, this part of the analysis will cover Chapter 1 through Chapter 12, taking us approximately one-third of the way through the book.
This breakdown will focus specifically on the balance - or rather, imbalance - of Showing versus Telling within the book. We will be identifying what was Shown, what was Told, and how the choices made impact the narrative. There will also be speculation as to what Goodwin might have intended and how close she came (or how much she deviated from) that target.
If you are looking for an overview of book, please see Parts 1 through 3, which are accessible via this archive link. Otherwise, let’s dive right in.
STATS
Title: The Queen of Vorn
Series: The Homecoming Triology (Book 1)
Author(s): Charlotte Goodwin
Genre: Fantasy (Epic)
First Printing: May 2025
Publisher: Self-published to Amazon
Rating: 2 / 10
SPOILER WARNING
Because this is a chapter-by-chapter breakdown, each section of this post will feature heavy, unmarked spoilers for the entire book through the end of the chapter covered in that section. There may also be mild, unmarked spoilers for events in later chapters, but there will be no heavy spoilers for those later chapters.
EDITIONS
This review will specifically focus upon the original release of The Queen of Vorn. It was drafted prior to the unpublishing of the book and only updated to the extent necessary to provide a record of said events, and thus, it applies specifically to the original release.
I do intend to do a comparative review if and when this book is re-released, which will serve as both a critique of the re-release version and an analysis of the changes made.
CHAPTER 1 - “Home Comforts”
Story
Emma visits her (adoptive) mother to talk about troubling dreams she’s been having, dreams that feel like memories despite obviously taking place on another world. Her mother suggests that it is a coping mechanism for some childhood trauma. Emma then gets a call from Tom in Afghanistan, which Tom cuts short when an explosion sounds somewhere on his end of the line.
Show versus Tell
This opening chapter is reasonable in terms of Show versus Tell. The introduction of Emma being adopted and the dialogue about her dreams feel very clunky and unnatural, making it clear that it's exposition rather than a natural conversation between her and her mother. Still, for an opening chapter of a novel, where information delivery need to be fast-tracked, nothing here is too off-kilter. Goodwin also highlights the difference between Emma’s physical appearance and her mother's before bringing up the adoption, so at least that doesn’t come completely out of nowhere.
Impact
The issue here is that the only things Goodwin really sets up for Emma are:
She is adopted.
She is having mysterious dreams.
She loves her husband.
If one or more of these traits are negated before any more traits are introduced, Emma is going to become a blander, less engaging character.
CHAPTER 2 - “Shell Shocked”
Story
Tom survives the attack that Emma heard the start of over the phone. He helps to patch up a wounded soldier and then volunteers to help guard the base until reinforcements arrive. An explosion from a second wave of attackers then put a piece of shrapnel through his chest.
Show versus Tell
I have zero complaints about this chapter by itself. Goodwin Shows nearly everything, and she only Tells us background details that would be hard to introduce organically (such as the fact that Tom is specifically a member of the Royal Engineers, rather than being infantry or a medic).
Impact
The problem with this chapter is that it has zero relevance to the rest of the book. Tom’s injury won’t affect the trajectory of the plot, and the skills we see on display her don’t translate to Dunia. The closest we get to relevant information is that he knows how to patch up that soldier, as he will need to take care of an injured character down the line. However, not even that is relevant, as the basic first aid he performs here really doesn’t translate to giving someone stitches. (Plus, when that skill does become relevant, we will be Told a backstory for that specific skill anyway.)
CHAPTER 3 - “Power Struggle”
Story
Queen Lila barges into her son’s tent at an army encampment to find him in bed with a woman. When he attacks her for trying to force him to fulfill his royal obligations, she graphically explodes the woman as a lesson to him.
Lila’s son arrives on the battlefield for the start of the goblins genocide. After a speech, Lila uses magic to annihilate goblin-inhabited forests “as far as the eye could see”. As she passes out from exertion, her son orders the amassed human army to charge at this vast swathe of now-empty wasteland.
Show versus Tell
Again, the balance of Show versus Tell is not yet a problem, but what we are Shown does not actually matter.
It would be reasonable to think that Queen Lila would be an active character within this narrative, given how early she gets a POV chapter. That simply isn’t the case. We are being Shown the vast power and sociopathic violence of a character who could be cut from the story with very little impact.
If I were to be charitable, I’d say at we are at least Shown an upper limit for magic, as well as the consequences for pushing that limit. It's just that what we are Shown is so absurdly powerful, with proportionally negligible consequences, that it’s effectively limitless within a world that is otherwise full of medieval technology.
Impact
What we are Shown here not onto fails to benefit the narrative but also damages it before narrative momentum can properly be built.
Anyone who reads the premise of this book could have guessed that Emma’s dreams are memories of a very real world. However, there is a difference between establishing an expectation of a reveal and outright telling the audience the reveal out the gate. Everyone who saw New Moon in theaters knew that Jacob was a werewolf from the film’s trailer, but Bella still needed to earn (or, at least, stumble into) that information for herself. By revealing right out the gate that the world Emma dreams about it real, a valuable source of narrative tension has just vanished.
Also, the graphic death of the woman Lila murders is a first glimpse of Goodwin using gore to seem edgy. It doesn’t fit with what came before (not even with the scene of literal battle that Tom experienced in Chapter Two). This jarring first glimpse is already building up the reader’s tolerance to this excess, blunting its impact down the line.
CHAPTER 4 - “A Second Chance”
Story
Zark decides one morning to watch a video of the day she abducted Emma to save the young girl from Queen Lila. She then gets a call from her former captain, who apprises her of the situation with Queen Lila and the goblin genocide and tells her to collect Emma and Tom for an intervention.
Show versus Tell
This chapter is nothing but Telling of vital exposition. Zark just happens to watch a video of her past actions mere minutes before those past actions become relevant again. Her former captain just happens to provide her with exposition that both them already know about Dunia.
If Goodwin had decided to give us a prologue where Zark abducted Emma and was sanctioned for her actions, that would have been Showing. Showing a recording of past events is little better than turning directly to the audience to explain them, and having characters exposit to each other about things they know the other person already knows is not natural.
Impact
Much like with the Queen Lila chapter, revealing this information to the audience diminishes the narrative tension. It also erodes what little character Emma possesses at this point. Now there is no ambiguity - Emma’s dreams are obviously memories. We also know that the aliens are going to intervene in the genocide and are coming to collect her, so there’s no tension from wondering whether they’ll break their Prime Directive or when Emma will receive her Call to Adventure.
What particularly frustrating is that, if Goodwin had delivered a prologue about Zark rescuing Emma, that could have worked. Yes, we'd know the answer to the mystery of Emma’s dreams, but in its place, we’d get the dramatic tension of wondering how long it will take Emma to learn the truth as she goes about her daily life. This is what we got in Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone. We knew Harry was a special wizard boy before he did, so the tension came from wondering when and how he’d find out for himself and what would happen to him interim. Goodwin’s choice to shove exposition down our throats after the mystery is established just undoes what came before without generating tension to replace it.
CHAPTER 5 - “Abduction”
Story
Emma is at home with Tom, who is recovering well from his injury at the end of Chapter 2. They banter about his recovery before being abducted by the Zargons.
Emma and Tom wake up in what they first mistake for a hotel room but soon discover to be a holographic simulation. The Zargons reveal themselves. The next several pages are Emma and Tom grappling with being abducted by aliens. The fact that Emma is not from Earth is shoved into the discussion so Emma can associate it with her dreams. The Zargons then promise to explain everything.
Show versus Tell
Why did Goodwin end Chapter 2 on a cliffhanger of Tom sustaining a life-threatening injury if she was just going to cut straight to him recovering? This isn't Showing, and it's barely Telling. Why waste our time on the story of how he got the injury if it is going to be this irrelevant?
Otherwise, this chapter is another good example of Showing stuff that is not relevant.
Tom insists on drinking beer despite his antibiotics, and we discover that Emma hides his beer and bottle openers. One might think this is hinting at alcoholism, but no. It’s just banter. It’s not even like Tom’s love of beer is going to matter when they get to Dunia.
So much time is spent on Emma and Tom processing that aliens exist and that they were abducted, but since the Zargons don’t matter outside of being a device to get them to Dunia, them accepting this new paradigm isn’t important.
We don’t actually learn anything about Emma’s or Tom’s characters in this exchange. Their reactions are generic responses to the reality of aliens existing, rather than exposing anything about them through how they process that revelation.
Impact
This chapter is the first point where the imbalance turns the would-be plot into isolated events.
I think that what Goodwin wanted to do with the opening of this book was establish who Emma and Tom are as characters before removing them from their familiar environment. That's a prudent decision. The audience benefits from that context, especially if the new world they travel to is going to prompt new development.
The issue is that, at this point, she hasn't actually hold us who these characters are. Emma’s three traits have already been knocked down to one, and the fact she loves her husband doesn’t tell us much on its own. As for Tom, any potential of understanding him through how he handles his injury has evaporated.
At this point, Goodwill could have just used Chapter 5 to introduce Emma and Tom, and the story would not be changed. If anything, given the dramatic tension issue we discussed above, starting the story with just Lila and Zark might actually improve things.
CHAPTER 6 - “Door One or Door Two”
Story
We are Told that Emma was brought up to speed about her past and had time to process that information.
Emma and Tom discuss if he’s ready to come with her to Dunia.
Show versus Tell
We are Told about two of the most pivotal, character-defining aspects of this narrative: Emma learning the truth, and Emma accepting the truth.
We then watch Tom and Emma banter and discuss this massive upheaval in their lives in terms of superficial details and exposition. We are not Shown depth or doubt or conflict. Tom just agrees to come with her and easily rolls with everything he will sacrifice. None of it feels like it has any weight.
Impact
This is the point where I really disengaged from the narrative.
I cannot fathom how Goodwin thought it was a good idea to just skip the moment where Emma learns everything and accepts the truth. Why did she even bother to establish the dreams as a mystery for Emma if she was going to deny us the resolution?
As for Tom, while I do appreciate that we at least get to see his reaction to things, we’re still not getting any real character. He’s just rolling with the situation because the Plot Says So. The scene is also bogged down with banter about the fact they are in space and interacting with aliens, as if that didn’t happen already in the previous chapter.
As with Chapter 5, if Goodwin was going to skip pivotal moments needed to tie this story together, then she might as well have waited to introduce Emma and Tom until this point. At least then, this could be a starting point instead of an isolated bubble that simply resets the status quo.
CHAPTER 7 - “One Small Step for Man …”
Story
Emma and Tom put their affairs in order while they wait for Zark to take them to Dunia. A brief moment of emotion as Emma commits to letting go of her adoptive parents is swept away as she and Tom experiment with the Zargon’s surveillance technology and food replicator.
Emma and Tom are fed more exposition by Zark as they travel to Dunia. We get that exchange about religious beliefs that I covered back in Part 1. Emma and Tom then get to select training programs to download, Matrix-style, into their brains.
Show versus Tell
The scene of Emma grappling with letting go of her adoptive family could have worked. We are being Shown her emotions as she deals with this. The problem is that, outside of being Told we values her adoptive parents back in Chapter 1, we have no reason to be invested in her relationship with them. There's no weight here. At least when Harry left the Dursleys, we had a couple chapters to see his abuse at their hands to contextualize that relationship.
We are Told about Emma, Tom, and Zargons being atheists. While I did criticize this back in Part 1, I don’t necessarily think that Telling us this is any worse than showing this. It’s one of those things that requires specific circumstances to Show effectively, so it makes sense to Tell us this to save time (even if I wish the excuse for doing so was less clunky). If this information is truly important to the narrative, then it’s better to Tell it than not have it at all.
Likewise, while the training programs are something we are only Told about, it makes sense not to slow down the narrative by diverting into some virtual training montage.
Impact
None of this matters once Emma and Tom on on Dunia. Emma's parents don’t come up again. The training programs are a background detail. At best, Tom is going to learn a lesson in humility down the line after he arrogantly assumes that his training program (fencing) is an adequately replacement for actually training.
What really annoys me, though, is the atheism thing. There was absolutely a story that could be told here. Emma and Tom could have had to grapple with a religious society that they simply can’t understand or relate to. So much potential for drama is simply flushed away, which is a big part of why I concluded back in Part 2 that this detail was included for the author's sake rather than the narrative’s.
CHAPTER 8 - “Plots and Plans”
Story
Lila gathers her children for a planning meaning for the goblin genocide. We get confirmation that her eldest son (introduced in Chapter 3) is uninterested in royal duties, and her youngest son is a brute who’s fully on-board with the genocide, and that her daughter is opposed to the genocide but goes along with it to avoid being married off for politics. We learn that Lila wants the goblins exterminated for the sake of revenge.
Show versus Tell
We are Shown the characterization of Lila’s children and her dynamic with each if them.
We are Told about Lila’s revenge motive.
Impact
This is Lilia’s second-to-last POV chapter for the book, and it contributes nothing to the wider narrative. My guess is that Goodwin wanted to introduce Lila’s children now so that they can play important roles in later books, but if time is going to be taken away from the main characters of Tom and Emma to do so, they really should have mattered to this book. This is another example of Showing us information that we don’t actually need.
I can somewhat understand Telling us Lila’s revenge motive, but it’s done by listing flashes of memory. A dedicated flashback scene would have delivered this information in a far more impactful way.
CHAPTER 9 - “Tall Tales”
Story
We jump into the POV of the sorcerer Arndal as he returns home after a trip. His moment of rest is disrupted when Emma and Tom appear on his doorstep. He allows them into his house so Emma can explain her claim that she is the lost princess and rightful Queen of Vorn.
The POV shifts to Emma as she convinces Arndal of her identity and convinces him to train Tom as a sorcerer. The chapter ends with Arndal telling them they can do chores for him while he studies how to activate Tom’s magic.
Show versus Tell
This chapter is a welcome reprieve in terms of balancing Show versus Tell. All information is relayed through dialogue that is relevant to the scene. For example, it makes sense for Emma to confirm her identity to Arndal by relaying a secret they shared from her childhood. While this is another thing that could have been done via a flashback scene, the emotional weight of this moment is light enough that natural delivery in dialogue is enough.
Impact
This chapter is incredibly promising in terms of getting the ball rolling on the story. It's not perfect, but there is a sense of weight to things, and the chapter ends with the promise of maintaining that momentum.
… That promise will not be kept.
CHAPTER 10 - “Drudgery and Deception”
Story
Cut to weeks later. We are Told about the hard labor that Tom has been doing for Arndal in exchange for magical training that is minimal and not evidently effective. When Tom injures his hands one day, he asks Arndal to heal them for him. When Arndal refuses to then on why he’s putting Tom through such trials, Tom accuses Arndal of knowing he has no magic, then storms off to complain to Emma.
The POV shifts to Zark. We are Told that Tom calmed down after Arndal explained that he was turning stones into gems to fund his and Emma’s future activities; we are also Told that Zark has found information that indicates Tom would be better off learning magic from the elves than from Arndal. We are then told Zark plans to interfere in events by (somehow) giving Arndal the idea to send Tom to the elves.
Show versus Tell
Goodwin Shows us Tom as he nears the bottom of this spiral of frustration … and only Tells us how he got here from where he was at the end of Chapter 9.
This isn’t a character arc. It’s not narrative progression. It’s a hard reset of the status quo, delivered via montage. To make matters worse, none of it even matters, because we’re then Told how Arndal defuses the situation rather than being shown it.
Literally all Goodwin had to do to maintain the momentum from the end of Chapter 9 was to Show us three scenes:
One demonstrating one of the many labors that Arndal assigns to Tom. (We are shown him working on a stone goat pen, but we need a scene of him working another labor in a much better state of mind.)
One of Arndal giving him a magic lesson.
The scene where Arndal explains himself to Tom and Emma.
Those first two scenes could come in any order, so long as the first one showed that Tom was a bit confused but still optimistic and the second showed that he was beginning to get frustrated.
Likewise, in the case of Zark, if the solution to this dilemma is going to be her uncovering new information, we should see her earning that information. We are Told she got this information by doing more research into Queen Lila. Why couldn’t we be Shown that, perhaps as scenes intercut with Tom’s deteriorating mood?
Impact
Because we are not Shown Tom’s journey, the new status quo does not feel earned. It feels like an emotional low point that Goodwin spawned from nothingness to make it seem like something is happening. Likewise, because we are not Shown Zark uncovering vital information, it makes the entire detour to Arndal feel pointless. Emma and Tom went to Arndal in the first place because the Zargons told them Arndal was the one they should visit to train Tom. Are we really supposed to think this species of “enlightened” aliens who are nigh-omniscient thanks to their surveillance of Dunia didn’t think to research where Lila got her power from before tasking Tom with becoming like her?
CHAPTER 11 - “One Last Try”
Story
Emma and Tom are out fishing on the lake that surrounds Arndal’s private island when they are capsized and dragged underwater by some tentacled lake monster. Tom rescues Emma and hauls her back to shore. Upon reaching the shore, he discovers that it was all a test by Arndal to try to trigger his magic through a life-threatening situation. Arndal heads off Tom’s anger by explaining that the failure of the test points to Tom having “earth magic”, meaning he needs to be trained by the elves.
Show versus Tell
Like Chapter 9, this chapter also properly balances Showing versus Telling. We get to see Tom rescue Emma. When blunt exposition is delivered, it flows from the dialogue between Arndal, Tom, and Emma.
Impact
The problems here are not with the chapter itself. Rather, they’re a continuation of the issues of Chapter 10.
We are told in this chapter that a “few months” have passed since Tom and Emma arrived, meaning that even more time has passed since Chapter 10. I’d normally be happy that Tom’s emotional state hasn’t deteriorated every further without the audience seeing why, but given how much he changed during the time skip prior to Chapter 10, it’s actually odd that he’s remained static during a time skip that was potentially even bigger. (Arndal telling them that he’s making gems to help finance their activities doesn’t explain this, as Tom’s frustration was largely about him not helping Tom progress magically, a problem that the gems don’t directly address.)
It’s also unclear at this point what, if anything, Zark contributed here. Did she beam the idea to try to lake monster test into Arndal’s mind? Why could he note figure it out himself? Why did he wait this long to try this?
At this point, it really does feel like everything from Chapters 9 through 11 has been a waste of time. Why were Tom and Emma not sent to the elves in the first place? If the idea is that Arndal had to make the introductions, fine, but then that should have been the goal from the start.
CHAPTER 12 - “Goblin Genocide”
Story
We are introduced to Grinthy going about her daily business. She sends her husband off to find their children and bring them home shortly before the genocide reaches her doorstep. As the village burns and her neighbors are slaughtered, Grinthy hides in a secret wine cellar that she is aware of. When the killing is over, she creeps out and looks for her husband and children. She finds them in the next village over, arriving in time to see the human soldiers decapitate her family.
Show versus Tell
We are Tolds here that goblins are used to being raided by humans, seeing it as natural response to the goblins raid the human settlements. We are Shown that goblins readily sacrifice one another for their own survival.
Goblins ran ahead, and she overtook them. There was no point in helping them, it would only speed her own demise. She could only hope that the ones the humans caught slowed them down. As she ran, she prayed Errag and her children were far away.
The genocide itself Shown, and it’s quite harrowing. I just feel like what we are Shown about the goblins undermines the event. It doesn’t seem like our representative for the goblins is all that fussed about other goblins dying if they aren’t her family. She may not like seeing their corpses, but she seems pretty quick to accept their deaths as a trade-off for her own life.
Impact
By this point in the story, it had become clear that nothing happening in this story truly matters. Any POV character who is not Tom or Emma is just wasting pages, and even Tom and Emma aren’t accomplishing much. The fact that this genocide has apparently been continuing for “months” with no urgency from Tom or Emma also undermines the idea that the genocide is even that big of a deal.
Thus, when Goodwin describes the harrowing danger, the grotesque state of Grinthy’s neighbors in the aftermath, and the decapitation of Grinthy’s husband and children, I wasn’t experiencing the horror with her. I was yawning (verging on laughing) at how desperate Goodwin was for me to take her poorly paced, constantly resetting narrative seriously. This is just gore for gore’s sake. As a result, this chapter really doesn’t have the weight that it should. It’s honestly just boring.
ONWARD
The Queen of Vorn doesn’t properly start until Chapter 22. We’ve got nine chapters to go between then and now, and the imbalance issue doesn’t improve much before then. Part 5 of this analysis, due out on August 22nd, will therefore cover everything up through the end of Chapter 22.
Next week, on August 15tth, we’ll cover Chapters 29 through 33 of Onyx Storm. In the second power fantasy cycle of the rainbow dragon hunt, Violet and her friends visit the island of the war god’s followers. What ensues is an action scene that I want to like, only to be constantly reminded that Yarros is building up Violet by punching others down.
Thank you all for joining me this week. Please remember to subscribe to the newsletter if you’d like weekly e-mails with the latest posts, including both book reviews and the latest part of “The Unbottled Idol” (Chapter 7 of which releases next Tuesday). Please also share this review with others if you enjoyed it. Whatever you’re here for, take care, and have a great weekend.
