Onyx Storm (Chapter 8 & Spotlight on Power Fantasy)
STATS
Title: Onyx Storm
Series: The Empyrean (Book 3)
Author(s): Rebecca Yarros
Genre: Fantasy (Epic)
First Printing: January 2025
Publisher: Red Tower Books
Rating: 1.5 / 10
SPOILER WARNING
Heavy spoilers will be provided for the entirety of The Empyrean up through the end of the content covered in this part. Mild spoilers for elements later in Onyx Storm may be provided, but I will keep the first paragraph of each section as spoiler-free as possible. Heavy spoilers from later in Onyx Storm will be confined to clearly labelled sections.
STORY
Violet is brought before the Senarium. After telepathically assuring Xaden that she has a brilliant plan to avoid the consequences of her actions, she brazenly tells the Senarium to thank her for mutilating the wards and that there is nothing they can do to her. Apparently, by pardoning the treason of the Aretia riders from Iron Flame, they also pardoned her crime from Chapter 7. Xaden says that the wards are clearly intact because no wyvern have swarmed Navarre in the past eight hours since the wards were mutilated. The Senarium shrugs and agrees that Violet is free to go. At this moment, Queen Maraya of Poromiel waltzes in (as if this were that skit from Willy Wonka and the Chocoloate Factory where Queen Elizabeth bids for a box of Wonka bars) and drowns Vilet is validation, promising access to every possible resource to research the venin.
At this point, Yarros realizes she has destroyed any narrative tension, so she hastily informs the audience that Colonel Aetos (now General Aetos) is now the man in charge of Basgiath. Violet undermines his credibility by explicitly telling him, “Do your worst, but we both know I’m now beyond your reach, General.” General Aetos retaliates by assigning Violet and squad to rush to the front lines for a few days of duty at the Samara ouptost.
PLOT
In case could couldn’t tell from my phrasing in Story, this chapter raised my blood pressure. Yarros isn’t even trying to tell a entertaining, coherent narrative here. She is wasting our time just so she roleplay through her self-insert Mary Sue.
Pacing
Did we really need to read anything in Chapters 5 through 8?
There’s no consequence. At the absolute best, it’s a pretense to retcon a key element of the worldbuilding, but even that doesn’t drive the narrative forward. It just allows Yarros to keep certain accessories and Red Shirts in proximity to Violet during school sequences that are now utterly pointless to this series. Bear in mind that said retcon is itself contingent on another retcon that Yarros didn’t bother to show. She could have simply not shown this retcon as well.
As for the peace process: that was implied to be going on in the background at the end of Iron Flame. Yarros chose to retcon its status so that Violet could contribute to it by delivering that pathetic speech and then risking millions of people being killed or turned into refugees. All of this leads to … nothing. The treaty forged in this peace process is the only element from it that continues forward, and even then, nothing Violet did here had any impact on the narratively relevant aspects of that treaty.
So why didn’t Yarros start this story after the peace talks concluded?
To be clear, I’m not against Yarros telling the story of conflict that occurred during these peace talks. If, say, Chapters 5 through 8 were a short story or novella set between the events of Iron Flame and Onyx Storm, that could have been interesting. Yarros could have fleshed things out more to show the process by which Violet and Jesinia figured out that the Aretia wardstone allowing fliers to use their magic was a feature rather than a bug; she could also show the process by which Violet concluded that mutilating the Basgiath wardstone was worth the risk inflicted on millions of people. She could even have shown us how relations between Aretia and Navarre broke down again in the first place. This could even be used to explain certain retcons in a natural way. For example, maybe the reason venin are now a threat inside the wards is that it is an unintended side effect of Violet’s mutilating actions.
The problem here is that this novel is not about the peace talks. That is not what was promised in the premise or the Prologue; it is not what the focus will be from Chapter 9 onward. The focus is supposed to be on finding the rainbow dragons and curing Xaden. Chapter 5 through 8 therefore cause the story to stagnate in the name of power fantasy. We are being told to wait on the story we came for so that Yarros can insist to us that her self-insert Mary Sue is a master diplomat, a virtuous martyr, and a cunning trickster.
This is another point that makes me seriously doubt that Yarros planned out anything about this series in advance. Aside from the obvious stroking of her ego, the only purpose these chapters serve is as filler. She is stalling from starting this story, almost as if she has a minimum page count and not nearly enough content to fill it.
The Plot Hole
I need to say “the” plot hole because, much like multiple black holes that merge into one singularity, the multiple plot holes in this chapter blur into one massive, bleeding wound in the fabric of the story.
To preface this part, I will say that the same condition applies for all of them: these elements are only plot holes because Yarros either failed to establish necessary information to justify them and/or established information that these elements now contradict. I could see a scenario in which any combination of these elements could exist in a story without damaging it. Yarros has chosen to insert them into a scenario where they don’t fit, and thus, we have plot holes.
The Wards are Still Functional
The fact that the wards are not collapsed is raised as if it is a deciding factor in what happens to Violet. (In the interest of making the following easier to read, I have deleted the telepathic dialogue between Violet and Xaden that runs parallel to the Senarium’s discussion.)
“Has anyone reported if the capabilities of the wards were damaged beyond allowingthe fliers to wield?” the Duke of Calldyr asks.
“They’re intact against dark wielders.” Xaden’s fingers still.
“How would you know?” The Duchess of Morraine turns in her seat.
“We haven’t been swarmed, and Barlowe remains in our interrogation chamber. The wards are holding.”
Were this a story with characters, rather than a power fantasy with sock puppets, someone would have countered both of the points Xaden raised.
At the time this scene takes place, we are explicitly told it has been eight hours since the wards were mutilated. The venin haven’t had time to swarm Navarre yet. Even in Iron Flame, when the venin had a horde of wyvern amassed and ready to attack Navarre the moment the wards dropped, it took 10 hours for them to fly to Basgiath. This is far less time than any dragon needs (dragons need at least 12 hours to fly from Basgiath to the nearest point on the border). In fact, given that last point, there is every possiblity that a wyvern swarm is hurtling towards Basgiath as Xaden speaks, and no one knows it yet because the wyverns have outpaced anyone who might deliver a warning.
Jack’s continued imprisonment is even more straightforward - he is starved of magic. Remember how we were told back in Chapter 2 that he’d already drained the stones of his cell? How he’d be fully starved in a week? Within the story’s timeline, that was two days ago. It doesn’t matter if the wards fall now and give him access to his full powers now. In his current condition, he can’t use those powers.
The fact that no one points out what utter nonsense Xaden’s arguments are and that no one demands that Violet be detained until they are absolutely certain that the wards are still functional is a crippling blow to the intelligence and competence of everyone in this room.
Come to think of it, Violet is in the room. It never ever occurs to her that Xaden is wrong on those points.
Huh … kind of undercuts Yarros’s desperation to make Violet seem like a “rational woman” marked by great “intelligence”, doesn’t it?
Violet Did Not Act Alone
“I’ll save everyone the fuss of organizing a trial and execution.” I point to thepatch I cut off my uniform last night. “That’s mine. I was the one who orchestrated altering the wardstone. I’m the reason that the fliers can wield and that you nowhave a clear path to negotiate an alliance. You’re welcome.”
Remember how Violet passed on the information on how to alter the wardstone to the Senarium? How their refusal to do so after she shared that information was used to justify her actions? They should be fully aware that someone with the ability to manipulate metal needs to do the actual alteration work. Why is Violet bothering to lie about this when everyone knows her Signet does not let her manipulate metal?
Not How Pardons Work
“I…” The Duchess of Morraine looks to her peers, her giant ruby earrings smacking her golden-brown jawline as she swings her head back and forth. “What do we even do with that?”
“Nothing,” Xaden answers, watching me like I’m the only one in the room. “Cadet Sorrengail, and whomever she acted with, committed the crime last night, and as of this morning, every single one of you and our king signed their pardons.”
I nod.
To explain how idiotic this is, I need to acknowledge recent American politics. Let’s not argue about the ethics or context of what follows. I just want to highlight a special circumstance that perfectly demonstrates why what Violet and Xaden claim here would never work.
On December 1st, 2024, President Joe Biden issued a pardon to his son Hunter. What makes this pardon so special is how much it covers. Rather than pardon Hunter of crimes of which he’d been convicted, indicted, or even accused, President Biden issued a “full and unconditional pardon" for all federal crimes Hunter Biden “committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 1, 2014 through December 1, 2024.” (He would later grant this same boon to multiple other people, but let’s focus on Hunter for the sake of a concise example.)
By issuing this blanket pardon with no condition for the offense being known, President Biden effectively handed Hunter a free pass to have committed any number of atrocities, even atrocities that Biden was not aware of at the time of issuing the pardon. Usually, that’s not how pardons work. Pardons typically undo specific criminal offenses. The person issuing the pardon and the authorities who need to back down because of the pardon understand exactly what is being undone.
Biden justified this immense, generous boon on the grounds that he was a father protecting his son.
Do you know what group of people not only lacks that paternal relationship between the Aretian riders but has every incentive to be outright antagonistic towards them?
That’s right. It’s the Senarium.
The leadership of Navarre are people so paranoid, so dedicated to keeping control of what happens within their borders, that they would order the execution of a cadet for using official channels to request information he had no reason to believe was classified. (No, I will not let that go. Yarros chose to establish it to create a sense of tension, so until she establishes something to change it, she is beholden to her own rules.) What’s more, the Aretian rebels have already demonstrated themselves to be untrustworthy. Xaden vouched for the rebel children to prevent their execution, only to turn around and operate a smuggling ring that stole venin-killing alloy directly from Basgiath’s luminary.
Under these circumstances, it is not credible that anyone in Navarre’s leadership would ever agree to handwaving any and all counts of treason up until the moment that the ink dries on the pardon.
I could absolutely believe that the Senarium would pardon offenses that they knew about in the name of securing the peace treaty. I could even see them issuing a blanket pardon for specific types of offenses prior to a specified date that they found reasonable. If, for example, they decided to pardon all instances of stealing and smuggling alloy prior to the mass defection, and then issued a blanket pardon for everyone involved in the mass defection, those pardons would make sense. The Senarium understands those offenses and can accept that risk. It’s the idea that they would grant a blanket and unconditional pardon that also covers treason that takes place during the peace process that is fundamentally idiotic.
And that’s before we consider the fact that the Senarium are giving Xaden, one of the people guilty of treason, the son of the guy who triggered the last uprising, his title and Senarium seat back. There is no way this lot would agree to that without a means to control him. Pardoning him for specific offenses only, while leaving open the option to promptly strip him of power again the instant something new is uncovered, is the only way they would agree to hand him that power in the first place.
Put this another way: let’s say that Hunter’s pardon was not issued by President Biden. Let's say that, in the name of cutting a deal to serve his political agendas, President Donald Trump agreed to pardon Hunter. Can anyone honestly say that Trump would ever agree to a pardon for anything other than a very specific list of offenses, with the understanding that any offense not on that list would be punished to the fullest extent of the law?
Declare War
So there’s nothing we can do?” The Duchess of Elsum leans forward, her long brown tresses brushing the table. “She alters our defenses and then, what? Goes back to class?”
“It would seem so.” The Duke of Calldyr nods slowly.
No, you idiots.
Violet is an Aretian rider. Through her, the Aretian contigent has endangered your entire population to force a provision to the treaty. Declare the pardon agreement null and void due to Aretian treachery. Demand that negotiations resume while pinning blame on their failure on the people who did, in fact, cause problems.
What’s the worst that can happen if you do this? Poromiel walks away from the alliance? They need you more than you need them. Aretia pitches a hissy fit and tries to lead Tyrrendor in revolt? Seize the mines for the trademarked, biocompatible dental alloy so that they have no leverage on you, then leave Tyrrendor to fend for themselves against the venin.
This peace process has been unmined by a stupid, self-righteous activist. You are not at any moral fault here. There is also no higher authority to sanction you for tossing this agreement out the window.
With how Yarros has characterized the leadership of Navarre, the Senarium would never take this lying down. At best, they would agree to welcoming the fliers at Basgiath but demand the execution of everyone who endangered the lives of Navarre’s citizens with this radical act. Violet and Xaden would be spared for dragon reasons, but everyone else involved would need to be handed over. When Violet and Xaden inevitably refused to comply, they would become the scapegoats for sabotaging the peace process. Xaden would needed to fight his way out of this room with Violet in tow, and a bloodbath would erupt as the Navarrian riders and dragons strike at the retreating backs of the Aretian and Poromish contingents. Navarre would remember that they do not, in fact, need outsiders, and would emerge out of this ordeal more set than ever into their isolationist ways.
No antagonist with …
Oh, that’s right.
Yarros doesn't want to write credible antagonists.
Selective Ignorance
Yarros must know, on some level, that this pardon is nonsense and that the Senarium would not take this laying down.
Do you all know who has also committed treason that the Senarium is not aware of?
Xaden.
And, yes, if Violet’s crimes can be boiled down to “treason,” so can Xaden’s.
It’s highly unlikely that this kingdom that was desperate to hide the venin from the public for centuries would have a law on the books against being a venin. (If there was such a law, a “rational woman” chosen by her dragons for her “intelligence” would have likely noticed and asked questions about said law.) Instead, the only reason to execute Xaden for being a venin is that he has become the enemy. Defecting to the ranks of a rival military force during wartime is pretty treasonous.
There are laws against being an inntinnsic, but there are probably also laws against attempted murder, which is what Violet did. If treason takes precedence over mass murder, the same should be true for being an inntinnsic. Furthermore, the reason being an inntinnsic is illegal in the first place is because of the security risk - i.e. because it creates an opportunity for treason.
Well, Xaden. You said it yourself. The Senarium has signed your pardon.
Go ahead. Come out of the closet. Be proud of your inherent identities as a venin and an intinnsic. Navarre can’t touch you now, right?
No?
Yarros is going to act like you can still be put down at a moment’s notice for either of those things?
It’s almost like she toggles the rules to whatever she needs to for her current scene to go the way she wants.
Why This Happened
Yarros wrote this chapter, like those that preceeded it, to scream at her audience.
“ISN’T MY SELF-INSERT AMAZING?! ISN’T SHE INTELLIGENT?! ISN’T SHE CLEVER?! ISN’T SHE VIRTUOUS?! I’M AMAZING, AREN’T I?!”
This farce is pure ego. There is no care for stakes, tension, consistent rules and characterization, consequences, or anything else needed for competent storytelling. It’s all about lying to the audience that these exist before flipping around to shower her self-insert with validation for cruising unscathed through the void.
And, unfortunately, this accurately sets expectations for the entire story ahead.
CHARACTERS
Violet
“I’ll save everyone the fuss of organizing a trial and execution.” I point to the patch I cut off my uniform last night. “That’s mine. I was the one who orchestrated altering the wardstone. I’m the reason that the fliers can wield and that you now have a clear path to negotiate an alliance. You’re welcome.”
“You’re welcome for how I risked the destruction of your entire kingdom so my besties could sleep over at my house.”
Wow. I sure am glad to know that Yarros thinks this arrogance and selfishness is “beautiful” and needed “destigmatizing”.
Queen Maraya of Poromiel
I glance to my right, then do a double take at the woman standing in the north doorway of the hall. The silver of her intricate, armored breastplate flashes in the morning light as she walks forward, her smile crinkling the light-brown skin at the edges of her dark eyes. She wears a pair of scarlet breeches with a shortsword sheathed at her hip and a sparkling tiara atop her riotous curls, its delicacy a striking contrast to her weaponry. Queen Maraya.
What an introduction.
I’m really looking forward to seeing how this striking figure plays into …
…
What do you mean, this is the only scene she appears in?
…
What do you mean, she dies off-screen before the end of the book?
…
Her only contribution to the plot is to shower Violet in validation in this scene?!
…
I don’t know why I expected more.
General Aetos
Unlike with Queen Maraya, I had no delusions that General Aetos would be important in this book. As all of the work Yarros did to rob him of credibility in the last book hadn’t been enough, she chooses to undermine him further at the start of the Senarium meeting.
“As you can see, we have the evidence we need to place you at the stone,” Aetos declares as he reaches the table. “I ask that the Senarium quickly pass judgment.” He glances at Xaden. “Unless your newest addition needs to recuse himself for his proximity to the traitor.”
“Remove yourself if you can’t be silent, Aetos.” The Duke of Calldyr leans back in his chair and runs a hand over his short blond beard. “You have no purview here.”
Aetos stiffens at my side, then retreats with the other riders, leaving me to face the Senarium.
This isn’t the only reason that his “punishment” of Violet at the end of the chapter has no weight, but it certainly doesn’t help.
WORLDBUILDING
There are no worldbuilding issues that I could see here, but then again, I feel like the damage to the plot and characters is bad enough.
SPOTLIGHT: POWER FANTASY
Power fantasy has always been the heart of The Empyrean.
As early as the first chapter of Fourth Wing, it was clear that Violet was a self-insert Mary Sue who would be handed the means to overcome any challenge without struggle. It started with a literal suit of plot armor (her dragon scale vest). This intensified as the story progressed, with the majority of threats to Violet being only implied before she blasted through them, constant validation being showered upon her, and no acknowledgement being made to how her being “right” in any situation clashed with the reality in which she existed.
That being said, it wasn’t necessary a problem in Fourth Wing. The core of the power fantasy was the emotional and moral validation - that is to say, it invalidated internal conflict. The rest of the story of Fourth Wing may have been badly written, but at least there was external conflict to keep the plot grinding forward. The power fantasy could coexist with the story.
Problems started in Iron Flame. There was a much strong focus on interpersonal dynamics and how the external conflict interacted with them. Because the power fantasy won't ever allow Violet to be wrong, won't allow the people she likes to take a meaningful stand against her, and won't allow the people she doesn’t like to get the best of her in a social interaction, all of the drama with Xaden, Dain, her accessories, various military personnel and professors, and Cat became a slog. The outcome in every one of these interactions was predetermined and rarely earned. The one exception to this was Sloane, but even then, she only stood up to Violet for two scenes that didn’t have a meaningful impact on the narrative before Violet bashed through her resistance with glaring hypocrisy (which, of course, is also never acknowledged). On top of all this, Violet’s growing power with her Signet allowed her to shred through external conflicts, too, so not even those were as effective as they were in Fourth Wing.
In the Iron Flame review, I referred to Mary Sues as a cancer. That comparison could describe the power fantasy of that book as a whole. What was once a manageable phenomenon metastasized into a growth that sank its tendrils into the rest of the narrative, causing everything it touched to fail as its bloated form encroached upon them.
Onyx Storm takes things a step farther. This isn’t a power fantasy where the power fantasy elements undermine the narrative. This is a narrative where the power fantasy displaces the actual story. Much like Deadpool, this book is made of the cancer, only without the positive benefits of a healing factor to ensure the body keeps running properly regardless.
Treasures Greater than Peace
As we’ve already discussed, Chapters 5 through 8 are nothing but layers of power fantasy stacked on top of each other. The story could have started after the signing of the peace treaty without anything being lost. All we really get out of these chapters are a cavalcade of power fantasy moments.
Chapters 5 and 6 has Violet prevent a bloodbath by delivering an incredibly bland and uninspiring speech. The reason I haven't shared any excerpts from the the speech is that the speech itself isn’t the problem. It's what one might expect when a writer tries to write someone smarter and/or more charismatic than herself; within the grand scheme of this novel’s issues, tearing it apart wouldn’t be productive. The actual problem is that Violet receives no fewer than three separate moments of praise where people validate this weak oratory as if it was the most inspiring thing ever. Yarros is insisting that we be impressed by it.
Chapter 7 has Violet play the martyr. The narrative enshrines her virtue for committing treason to keep the fliers at Basgiath, despite there being another safe place for them to go; it then ignores the abhorrent risk she is taking, handwaving consequences that Yarros clearly knows to exist (since she is mentioning them before trying to bulldoze through them). We are supposed to celebrate what Violet has done here.
Chapter 8 tries to pretend that Violet has thought through everything to avoid treason charges, ignoring how pardons work and how the Senarium would actually react to what she did. This culmiantes in literal royalty appearing before Violet to shower her in praise.
These moments collectively form a microcosm of the power fantasy in this book. It shows what Yarros is hell-bent on pursuing instead of telling a good story:
She wants to be validated for her charisma, her virtue, and her intelligence, both through her successes and the praise of others.
She wants the power to wipe out any person or obstacle in the way of those goals.
She wants the power to humiliate and belittle anyone whom she can’t wipe out.
The Treasure Hunt (Heavy Spoilers)
These priorities recur throughout the book, but they are most obvious during the search for the rainbow dragons.
As hinted at in Chapter 6, during the scene where Aaric refuses to step up as a royal representative, it is indicated that the search for the rainbow dragons will focus on the island kingdoms to the south of the Continent. Four of these islands will be visited during the book. All four islands cycle through the same mini-arc.
The culture of the island is established in a very compressed, Planet of Hats manner.
Violet is set with some test she needs to overcome that will showcase her worthiness in the name of achieving some objective. All these tests ultimately boil down to showing off show smart, badass, and/or diplomatic Violet is. That might have been fine if Yarros wrote a meaningful challenge for Violet that would Show these things, but since she can’t write a character who is smarter, more badass, or more diplomatic than herself, she also struggles to conceive of a challenge that would Show the things she wants validation for. The result is that the tests are laughable, destroy the credibility of the people administering them, and/or come down to dumb luck.
Violet dominates in said test and is validated.
The execution of this cycle is not identical on every island, but all of these elements are there. The plot doesn't move forward on any of these islands except the last one, where there is a slight deviation from the formula that ultimately amounts to Violet getting valdiated by Xaden instead of the locals.
It’s not even like these cycles drive the narrative forward. Yarros just goes through four iterations of the same power fantasy, gets bored of it, and has the hunt for the rainbow dragons resolve itself. The manner in which she resolves it also makes it clear that they could have found the rainbow dragons at any point - or, rather, that the rainbow dragons could have revealed themselves at any point. The core premise of the book ends up being nothing but an excuse for jab the button for her own validation with the same feverish obsession of a gambling addict working a slot machine.
It’s a shame because, on one of the islands, there is an element within the power fantasy that does feel earned and does generate some meaningful stakes and tension. The problem (aside from it being only one working piece in an overall nonfunctional scenario) is that this is the third island. By that point, we’ve already seen Violet waltz through two iterations of the cycle. A pattern of success without meaningful challenge has already been set, so even if the entirety of the third island were functional in isolation, the conclusion would be obvious from the start, draining away the emotional weight.
Dancing Around Obstacles
Consider how quickly Yarros resolved all of the conflicts in Chapters 5 through 8.
Violet brought peace to the riders and fliers in the same scene that she intervened in the bloodbath.
Within one chapter of discovering that the fliers would be sent back to Aretia, Violet successfully mutilated the wards.
Within one chapter of being caught and charged with treason, Violet is revealed to be untouchable.
Yarros might be doing better at setting up conflicts in advance, but she can’t bring herself to obstruct Violet with those conflicts. Any challenge needs to be resolved by Violet immediately. Anything Violet can’t overcome immediately mars her perfection, and that can’t be allowed.
At the same time, Yarros knows that she needs there to be conflict to keep the audience interested. She doesn’t want to actually confront Violet with that conflict, but she’s aware it needs to exist. As a result, she resorts to three tactics to fool the audience into thinking conflict exists.
Lies (Heavy Spoilers)
This one is straightforward. Yarros will claim that a threat exists to generate tension, then erase that threat the instant she would need to pay of off. We’ve already seen this twice, first with the retroactive impact of the Aretia wardstone allowing fliers to use magic and again with the threat of Violet being charged with treason despite Violet being fully aware that she would be pardoned (which is still idiotic, but the point is that she thinks she’d be pardoned, so her dwelling on it in her 1st Person POV was a lie).
Yarros will go on to full this same trick a couple of times. The two that are most memorable to me, in no small part due to how obvious it was that Yarros was lying even on a first read, were:
In Chapter 10, it is stated that Violet and her accessories are violating orders to save some Poromish civilians. In Chapter 12, when General Aetos tries to hold them accountable, they brush him off with ease and face no consequences for their actions.
During the third and fourth islands in the rainbow dragon hunt, Violet and her accessories are violating orders by going directly between islands, rather than returning to Basgiath to report each time. (I’ll discuss the flaws with this writing later; let’s focus on the lie for now.) The threat of punishment for this act is laid on thick, especially after the events of the fourth island. As soon as they return to Basgiath, Yarros immediately tells the audience that they have been pardoned of that offense.
Tension See-Saw
Yarros will introduce a conflict, resolve it immediately, introduce another conflict immediately, resolve it immediately, introduce another conflict …
This is a slower-burn strategy that usually stretches over a few chapters. Yarros will do setup for a conflict, realize she’s invalidated it as soon as it needs to be relevant, and then throws some new wrench in the works. However, the end of Chapter 8, Chapter 9, and the opening of Chapter 10 compress the timeline enough to make the pattern evident.
Oh, no! General Aetos is mad that Violet wasn’t punished for treason? It’s okay. As Violet tells him to his face, she is untouchable.
Oh, no! General Aetos works around this by punishing her squad mates, deploying all of them to the front lies at Samara? It’s okay. When they show up, the officer in charge of the fort tells them that there’s nothing for them to do, so they can just find a room and chill until it’s time for them to return to Basgiath.
Oh, no! A village in Poromiel is currently under siege, and a Red Shirt on Violet’s squad has family there? It’s okay. They can just swoop in and evacuate the family members.
Oh, no! The squad gets explicit orders to not undertake the rescue mission? It’s okay. Tairn blows off the order, and then the squad blows off General Aetos when he comes to punish them for that.
Any of these conflicts could have been compelling. It’s just that actually presenting them as obstacles for Violet would have interfered in the power fantasy. Yarros can’t have that.
Procrastination (Heavy Spoilers)
This starts of similar to the Tension See-Saw. Yarros will set up a conflict, but then can’t follow through without damaging Violet’s perfect image. In these cases, rather than invalidating the conflict and forcing in another, she makes excuses to avoid engaging with it.
This is most evident with Theophanie. This venin Maven is presented as Violet’s nemesis, personally singling Violet out with the twin goals of both turning Violet into a venin and gaining control of Andarna. The climax of the book is Violet killing her. Yet, despite this supposed importance, Yarros works hard to keep Violet and Theophanie apart. Whenever the two do meet prior to the prior confrontation, Yarros always has Theophanie flee, despite the fact that she should easily overpower Violet in most of these scenarios.
In Chapter 2, Theophanie just … runs away when Violet and her accessories rush into the brig. She could very easily have slaughtered everyone else and taken Violet prisoner, or at the very least slaughtered everyone else and delivered the monologue she delivers in the next scene I’m about to describe, but she chooses instead to run away.
In Chapters 10 and 11, Theophanie monologues to Violet and Garrick, then makes a dramatic exit, despite having no reason to run away.
In Chapter 19, despite knowing Violet will come to a specific location to retrieve a MacGuffin and despite there being so many wyverns in the area that Violet and the riders with her need to flee the instant they are discovered, Theophanie chooses to simply leave a note with the MacGuffin to taunt Violet.
After Chapter 19, Theophanie almost completely vanishes from the narrative, only ever mentioned by Violet is passing. Then, in Chapter 43, she sends Violet a missive, taunting Violet and promising that they’ll meet again soon. That missive indicates that Theophanie was in position to ambush Violet and her squad outside of the wards, yet instead chose to jump through hoops to get the missive back to Basgiath before Violet did.
Theophanie then doesn’t appear until Chapter 52, when she is part of a swarm of wyverns that try to exploit the failing Aretia wardstone to rush and destroy the city. She actually has Violet cornered. Then, she senses an impending Deux ex Machina and simply runs away. At best, Yarros uses the Deus ex Machina to avoid Violet losing; at worst, she also opened a plot hole with said Deus ex Machina (which we will get into in Chapter 52).
In the climax of the book, Theophanie fights Violet twice. The first time, she appears in Chapter 58, then runs away at the start of Chapter 59, despite the fact that we are shown that Xaden apparently can’t touch her with his shadows, are later shown that she’s immune to Bodhi’s magic nullification Signet, and are also later told that her mastery of storms renders Violet’s lightning useless. She then comes back in Chapter 60 for the final confrontation, where Violet finally kills her.
Theophanie could have defeated Violet at any point. Even with her acknowledged goal of corrupting Violet, even if she didn’t want to simply take Violet prisoner, she could still have beaten Violet as a means to demonstrate Violet’s comparative weakness and to tempt Violet to drain magic directly from the ground (which is exactly what Berwyn, the Sage who corrupted Xaden, did for him). The only reason that she didn’t defeat Violet at any point is that Yarros refused to let Violet have a moment of genuine weakness. There was talk of relative weakness to drive up the tension, but Violet herself never faced a challenge.
The Second Aretia Accord (Heavy Spoilers)
While this name is never explicitly linked to the peace treaty between Navarre, Aretia, and Poromiel, it’s referenced for things the peace treaty should have covered, so I am assuming that they are the same document.
This document, much like the Codex before it, only exists to justify why our heroes can do whatever they want while Navarre is powerless to stop them. I count this as power fantasy because, while it affects Xaden’s actions rather than Violet’s, Xaden’s political decisions always align with Violet’s desires, making this a form of soft, indirect power for her.
We’re not presented with the text of this document, but we do know a handful of things that it empowers Xaden to do, given his actions across this book.
The Accord strips control of Navarre’s military away from the king, instead giving each province of Navarre direct control over not only the forces assigned to their region but also all conscripts levied from that region. This allows Xaden to ignore the king and allocate troops from Tyrrendor (who, as you may remember, provides the largest share of Navarre’s troops out of any province) as he pleases, even if this is detrimental to Navarre as a whole.
Xaden can ignore King Tauri’s edict that Poromish refugees are not allowed into Navarre, declaring that they are free to enter Tyrrendor.
Xaden is able to extort the rest of Navarre by refusing to export the trademarked, biocompatible dental alloy from Tyrrendor to Basgiath for processing in the Basgiath luminary.
How does Navarre respond to all these things Xaden does?
Pouts, mostly. There are a few lines about impending war, but after all the lies Yarros tells to drive up tension, it’s hard to take those seriously. We are never shown them taking the fight to Tyrrendor.
In a better-written story that actually explored the clever political maneuvering by which Xaden and his political allies accomplished all of these objectives in the Accord, I would not necessarily consider this to be a power fantasy. The issue here is the same as with the Senarium allowing Violet to get away with mutilating the wards: this is out of character for Navarre.
To better illustrate just how nonsensical this is, let’s reflect upon another fictional scenario where a character who shares Xaden’s disdain for the authority over him and strongly motivated to commit various acts against the will of said government comes into an absurd amount of power that enables his rebellion activities.
The Tyrant of Badab
The War for Badab from Warhammer 40K (summarized wonderfully by Arch in a long playlist of lore videos) was a conflict between the Imperium of Man and a breakaway faction of Space Marines known as the Warders of the Maelstrom. It was fought over control of the region of space known as the Maelstrom Adjacent Autonomous Imperial Resource Extraction Zone Grid 004-357 (abbreviated in lore as the Maelstrom Zone). To make a very long and complicated setup very short, the Warders were tasked with the security of the Maelstrom Zone, yet the Imperium repeatedly denied them the resources needed for them to do their jobs effectively. Eventually, the head of the Warders, Lufgt Huron, decided to cut off scheduled tithe payments to the Imperium so as to fund his own independent military force, the Tyrant’s Guard. This led to a legal battle that escalated into a space battle. In the aftermath of the space battle between the Guard and an Imperium tithe fleet, Huron formally declared the secession of the Maelstrom Zone from the Imperium.
The question that is most relevant to Onyx Storm is this: why, exactly, did the Imperium of Man ever let things get this point? Why did they let this Space Marine get into a political position where he could turn the Maelstrom Zone into his personal kingdom? Why did they put up with his belligerence? Why did they not try to stop him before a shooting war erupted?
The answer is simple: the Imperium had no reason to expect this might happen, but they had plenty of reasons to let Huron do as he pleased up until the moment when he withdrew from the Imperium.
Technically, the Maelstrom Zone was not part of the Imperium. It was a frontier under the protection of the Warders, expected to feed resources back to the Imperium but otherwise left alone. This saved the Imperium’s bureaucrats a lot of paperwork. This also meant that Huron had a bit of legal wiggle room to selectively ignore orders from the Imperium and even to claim that his secession wasn’t truly a secession, just a strongly worded protest that would end once the Imperium met his demands.
Huron was not appointed by the government of the Imperium. He was promoted internally from within the ranks of the Warders after the organization was well-established. Given that the Warders were all Space Marines, who are given a lot of leeway to govern their own affairs, the Imperium would have had very little say in that matter even if the Maelstrom Zone was a proper part of the Imperium.
While Huron specifically and the Warders more broadly made themselves a lot of enemies within the higher echelons of the Imperium, this was political antagonism. The Imperium had no reason to see Huron as an outright enemy prior to the secession. They were all on the same team.
The Imperium of Man is incredibly hands-off when it comes to governing its territory. They literally have a million planets to manage, and travel across the galaxy can take years; it’s not practical to micromanage everyone. As long as the tithes gets delivered on schedule and no heresy is committed, they don’t care what the locals get up to. Huron building a private military to maintain security in a zone they’d told him to protect simply wasn’t seen as an issue.
Because of how the tithe system works, it took a while for the Imperium to see Huron’s actions as anything more than a local dispute. The expectation to pay the tithe first fell on the parties farther up the food chain than Huron. Even after the shooting started, the Imperium initially wrote it off as a local issue between Huron and the sector that was supposed to pick up the tithe from him. It wasn’t until after a couple of planets had been laid to waste that the Imperium finally decided they needed to treat Huron as the enemy.
All this is to say that Huron getting into a position to secede from the Imperium was the result of a natural chain of events where every party acted in accordance with their motivations and established behaviors. He did not simply step into power while flashing a neon sign that he would one day betray the Imperium. Power structures were created to address specific needs, Huron came into a position over authority over those structures in a manner that wasn’t seen as a risk to the Imperium, and the situation deteriorated slowly over time.
The Idiot of Aretia
Let’s see how many of the above points apply to Xaden and Tyrrendor.
Is Tyrrendor outside of the legal authority of Navarre? No. It has been one of the six provinces for all of Navarre’s centuries of existence. What’s more, while Tyrrendor has been indicated to be independent-minded, there’s been nothing to indicate that it didn’t join Navarre willingly.
Is Xaden the legal ruler of Tyrrendor at the time that the Second Aretia Accord was negotiated, with power outside of the Senarium’s control? No. His seat was taken from him thanks to his father’s treason, and it would take the Senarium and the approval of the king to get it back.
Was Xaden seen as the enemy by the Senarium? Yes. Even outside of what his father did, he committed treason for multiple years and disrupted Navarre’s military by leading a mass defection. At this point, the only member of the Senarium who doesn’t have a reason to see him as the enemy is the representative for Tyrrendor.
Is Navarre hands-off in governing its provinces? No. What’s more, unlike the Imperium, they don’t need to be decentralized. Dragons can be mobilized from Basgiath to any corner of the kingdom in less than a day. They can absolutely maintain tight control over Tyrrendor.
If Tyrrendor acts up (such as, say, by cutting supplies of trademarked, biocompatible dental alloy), will Navarre write it off as a local matter? No. Navarre is too small, and Tyrrendor offers them too much (between manpower and trademarked, biocompatible dental alloy) to ignore any disruptions. They need Tyrrendor to be on-side at all times.
With what Yarros has presented to us, there is no conceivable way that Navarre would not only restore Xaden to his father’s seat but also give him more power than his father held. Remember, we are told directly that troops being commanded by the provinces rather than the king was a new development. Navarre has no incentive to do this for any of the provinces, and they have every reason not to hand that authority to Xaden. Likewise, if the king has the power to issue edicts about welcoming refugees, they would never allow Xaden the authority to countermand that, not when they know he is motivated to welcome refugees. To top it all off, Navarre needs the trademarked, biocompatible dental alloy. They would not risk losing control of that resource by giving this particular man the power to deny them and then adding to that power.
At a bare minimum, the Senarium should have ensured that the Accord gave them to authority to strip Xaden of power and revert to the previous status quo the instant he stepped out of line … but of course, they didn’t do that either.
Failure of Diplomacy
There’s a way that this situation could have been saved: Yarros could have justified it with specific character traits. Specifically, she could have justified it through Xaden.
If Yarros demonstrated that Xaden was a young Palpatine, able to win over any room with eloquent words, promises, and a charade of idealism that shies away from internal strife, maybe this treaty could have been carried by his persona. She could have shown us scenes in which Xaden assured the Senarium that he was not a threat to Navarre. Maybe he could have convinced Navarre that he was motivated by idealism rather than spite. Maybe he could have presented himself as a loyal servant of Navarre, merely resorting to extremes because he believed saving Poromiel was the only way to safeguard Navarre. He could have, at the very least, feigned regret for ever acting against the authority of the king, expressing that he was only doing what his dragon encouraged him to do.
What Yarros instead shows us instead is a person who goes out of his way to start fights. Xaden is the most egotiscal asshole in an entire faction of egotistical assholes. He mouths off to the Senarium at every turn. He has nothing but disrespect for the wider realm of Navarre. Not only does he openly scorn the royalty, but before the end of this book, he will physically assault and threaten to murder the crown prince, both of which he does in public with many witnesses present.
The Hand of the Author
Much like the Codex, the Second Aretia Accord is a tool. Yarros uses it to force her plot in various directions while also denying the antagonists the ability to present meaningful obstacle. The stakes and tension of Xaden dancing on a political razor as he pursues Violet’s agenda could have made for a compelling story. However, that struggle would have meant that Violet was struggling, if only indirectly. That would interfere with the power fantasy.
Final Thoughts
The fact that this series is a power fantasy did not have to weigh it down. Fourth Wing is proof of that. It would not have been impossible for Yarros to tell a compelling narrative that offers Violet a meaningful challenge and presents something entertaining for anyone who isn’t just here to feed on that sweet drug of validation
What Yarros gave us instead is a sign of her priorities. She prioritized validating herself via her self-insert Mary Sue over telling a story.
What’s more … this overuse of power fantasy makes me wonder if Yarros didn’t even have a story to tell in Onyx Storm. Not just that she lied about planning this series out fully in advance - I think she may have run out of ideas and needed massive amounts of padding to get enough material for a full novel. The majority of power fantasy moments don’t drive the story forward. In the case of Chapter 5 through 8 and the cyclical adventures on the islands, the power fantasy is outright filler. Then there’s the fact that she kept swerving to keep Violet’s nemesis from properly challenging Violet. When combined with the issues we’ll discuss down the line with the Romance subplot, it really feels like there’s little by way of actual story on Onyx Storm. Take out the power fantasy and stalling, and there probably wouldn’t be enough for a novella, let alone an installment of a Fantasy epic.
ANY VENIN IN A STORM
Next time, we will cover Chapters 9 through 11.
This is where the book returns to the quality level of Chapters 1 through 4. It’s not great, and it has a lot of problems, yet there are elements in here that do work. The action, in particular, is some of the best in the book, producing my favorite scene in the series thus far. Unfortunately, there’s still plenty of issues. Most of these are worldbuilding factors, but there are also some problems with the plot (and, sadly, even with the action specifically).
I hope to see you all for Chapters 9 through 11 on May 23rd. Thank you all for bearing with me. Please remember to subscribe to the newsletter if you’d like to receive a weekly e-mail with the latest posts. I hope you have a great week.
